Overwhelmed
I smell
Burlap, sweet and dusty, like old hay;
Sandalwood, jasmine, and cedar
Burning as harsh incense;
Pink rose petal candles;
Musk perfume of the person next to me;
Lotion on my hands.
If I just sit here quietly…If I hold my
body tense…
If I don’t move or talk…
I see
Hundreds of papers covering the walls,
Flyers announcing projects and events,
Pictures, assignments,
A large paper Easter Bunny;
Pink ruler, blue paint, green paint,
Bright colors dancing across the
teacher’s clothing,
Purple, orange, red, blue;
Green dangling from an ear;
Red moving lips, telling me something
I can’t hear
What color is this?
Blue
What color is this?
Blue
What color is this?
…Blue?
Um…Royal Blue?
What color is this?
…Purple?…Violet?
I feel
Coarse, abrasive burlap on my skin,
Itching, moving, tickling,
Irritating my arm, my back, my chest;
My hair falling in my face,
Touching my cheek;
Cold air draft on my exposed feet,
And coming through the thin burlap;
Harsh smoke from the incense
burning my eyes
Sharp, splintering thorns on my fingertips
Stop moving around, you’ll distract the
others…It’s only your clothing…
I hear
Voices, from a speaker behind me
An intercom announcement
Tick, Tick, Tick
Loud sounds of a construction site
Conversations of the people beside me
Angry yelling of the woman
from the back row
Tick-Tick, Tick-Tick, Tick-Tick
Listen carefully,
there’s going to be a test.
Why can’t you hear the video? The volume is up
It must be something wrong with you…
Loud noises won’t stop
I can’t hear what I am supposed to
“Don’t fidget, place both feet on the
ground”
Is that bottle really blue?
I don’t know the answers anymore
My head hurts
Itching, can’t help scratching,
Want this abrasive burlap off my skin
“Stop thinking about it”
Bright, florescent, glaring
Just focus, focus
Why can’t those people stop chatting?
Burning, itching eyes
Harsh, everything’s jarring
I need to get out of here
Think about nothing
Retreat… Shut Down
I don’t hear the sounds from the other students.
I don’t hear the story from the video.
I don’t smell the incense, see the colors.
Time passes, and the “class” continues around me.
Safety
Leaving the room…Out of the chaos…
Back in a safe environment…
My body reemerges from the place
my mind had sent it; my senses reawaken.
Tears - as my emotions being to live again,
and I am overwhelmed.
Calm – a world without the tick-tick, tick-tick,
the sounds of the intercom, the conversations
of people behind me;
Without 5 separate and distinct smells;
without burlap for clothing.
But I still feel it, hear it and smell it all.
It was only an hour.
An hour in a world of overwhelming
input of smells, sights, sounds and feelings,
where I could not rely on my intellect
to solve the problem.
I only had an hour, not day after day,
of the chaos.
I learned
I am less adaptable than I
thought.
My behavior, and the
behavior of others
in the room, surprised
me. When bombarded
with input and chaos, our
minds and bodies
did whatever was necessary
to cope
with the situation. At that point,
it is not about processing. It is about getting by.
I see and admire
Strength - to face that world of chaos
every day;
Power - to cope when overwhelmed;
Spirit – that keeps going, even when the body
and mind must retreat into shut down.
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A2Z
Educational Advocates
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N Jane DuBovy, M.A.,
J.D. (Attorney & Certified Mediator) 16712 Marquez Avenue,
email inquiry@a2zedad.com |
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